“Do you get orgasms?”

“What?”

“You heard what I said. Well, have you?”

It was the fourth time my new boyfriend and I had become intimate and in each of those times I did not orgasm.  The truth is I have never experienced one! (Cue shock, surprise, sympathy☺). Do I want to get one? Of course I want to experience that tingling, electric feeling that will make my toes curl, my vagina sing and every other thing I have read in all the romance novels in my library. How does it feel to have never experienced the “apex of sexual pleasure”? At that particular moment, when my boyfriend rolls over panting heavily having had his, it is frustrating and feels highly unsatisfying.

It is said that one in every three women have never had an orgasm. The reasons why are many and varied and range from not giving of oneself fully to the sexual experience to low testosterone levels (yes, women too have testosterone in their bodies).  Whatever the reasons may be, the implications almost always suck. I, for instance, was given the boot! He thought I was queer, started avoiding me and eventually walked out of my life. (How original!) Many swear off sex, while others struggle with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

I am looking forward to Kanga Mganga during this year’s Storymoja festival to learn how to get more out of sex.

 

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

I was cringing.  My eyes were shut tightly. I really needed to pee but I didn’t want to go. Peeing hurt! Actually it is the sensation after peeing that hurt! It was this burning pain that lingered long after I left the loo. I knew it was a UTI without consulting Dr. Google. But I wondered how, I couldn’t think of anything that could have led to a UTI flare up.  

I went through a list of reasons that would have caused the agonizing experience. I narrowed it down to Friday night. While there had not been any sex, there had been lots of fondling and fingers streaking everywhere.  

Which brings to mind the issue of health in sex. While a lot of talk is centred on having safe sex by using a condom and sticking to one sexual partner, more needs to be said about the importance of hygiene during intercourse.

I hope this will be one of the issues addressed at Kanga Mganga for the purpose of having a healthy, sexual relationship.  

Check out Session Information: Kanga Mganga Masterclass